{finding joy} give a little love

Sometimes, I can be ridiculously self-centered. 

It's not pretty. It surfaces when I'm at work after 5pm and want to go home or hit the gym but a co-worker needs my help with a deliverable. Or when A has had a long day at work and needs to decompress but all I want to do is talk about me and how crazy my day was. Or when I'm shopping for a friend's birthday present and see the flats I have to have - so I contemplate downsizing the present I choose for them so I can afford both (yeah, that's an embarrassing one). Or when I know a friend is going through a rough spell and could use someone to talk to but I hate talking on the phone and haven't watched the latest episode of The Bachelor. 

I so often put on my blinders to the lives of those around me and focus my sights straight ahead on "me-town". What do I want? How am I feeling? And I think that if I can only serve myself a little bit, just this once, then I'll have more energy, more willingness, more reason to give more to others. But every time I give in to this notion that I am my #1 priority, that my happiness matters most, I always (ALWAYS) feel worse when it means putting the real needs of someone else second. I'm not talking about laying down on the floor and letting people walk all over me. What I'm talking about is loving other people. When I choose to love me over loving others, I'm left feeling empty and more in need than ever of something to fill me. And it's not an emptiness a cute pair of flats or soaking in the drama of reality TV can fill.

There is something about fulling embracing (physically or metaphorically -you can choose) another person and pouring love into them. Letting them "feel the love." My friend and fellow Hoosier, Greta, put this quite simply the other day on her blog, playing house, after receiving a handmade card from her close friend. 

"You know what's happy? When you feel the love. 

Just the other day, I was having "one of those days." The kind that just wasn't going your way. 

When I opened up our mailbox, I found a handmade card with a handwritten note from one of my closest friends. It was full of "just because" notes. It was just to say hello and tell me she appreciates our friendship. For no other reason than to send one "just because."

…

Feeling the love is a blessing. Giving the love back is also a blessing." 

Be a blessing to someone and be blessed in return :) Have a friend or co-worker in mind that could use a little lovin' these days? Not sure what you can do? I polled some friends and compiled 5 simple (and maybe obvious, sorry!) ways for you to reach out and "give a little love" to someone who could stand to know there's someone cheering for them on their bench.

• Send a card. - Everyone loves to see that hand-written addressed envelope with your name on it in the mailbox. Snail mail doesn't have to be a thing of the past. I am that person that saves every card I receive in the mail. They mean so much to me. An encouraging card says, "I thought of you. I care about you. I'm willing to pay for this awesome card AND postage for you." Short on cash? No need to buy the fancy Papyrus cards - there are plenty in the $1 section. And it's the thought, not the paper, that counts.
• Stop by with their favorite Caribou (or ... bleh ... Starbucks) drink. - They may not have time to chat, but the gesture will mean a lot. Co-workers and not so keen on showing up on their doorstep? Bring it by their cubicle. A co-worker came by my desk once with a Chai Latte from Caribou on a day when he knew I was swamped, and I don't know that I'll ever forget how appreciative I was. (Thanks, Matt!)
• Listen. - This one is challenging for me, as I tend to be a talker. But the more people I spoke to, the more I realized that so many people just want to be HEARD and have their struggles or fears acknowledged. Arrange a coffee or drinks date, sit down, and  open your ears, chiming in only when appropriate and offering insights or advice as they ask for them. Too many people - myself included - thing that to be a good friend you have to have the right answer and give the right advice. But sometimes the best love a friend can give is their active attention. (Don't take sides, either. If they're having a relationship problem, bashing the other person doesn't help anything.)
• Be available. - Be willing to drop the yoga class you do every Monday or DVR the new episode of Revenge and meet them for a glass of wine, walk around the neighborhood, or cup of coffee. It's hard to love someone thoroughly when your schedule has no flexibility or room for them.
• Send a quick, encouraging text. - Know that Tuesday is going to be a tough one? Shoot your friend a text with a verse or simply letting him/her know you're thinking about them. They'll appreciate that you remembered. Even if they aren't having a particularly difficult day, send them an encouraging text anyway. Who doesn't like to know their friends are thinking of them, and who doesn't feel loved when that happens?!

Me with Kelsey, my best friend of over ten years - isn't she beautiful?!