on waiting

I started a new bible study today with She Reads Truth and am so excited to dive into "Songs of Ascent." For day one, we were to read all of Psalms 123-134 (yes, that's a whole lot of Psalms!), and it's so incredible how even when reading 9 full chapters, one little verse can stand out and speak to me like Psalm 130:5 did this morning. 

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope." 

 I have a lot to look forward to in the coming months and year. Really, a lot. I get to make the hop from Minneapolis, MN, to Charlotte, NC, to pursue a calling and work toward changing the forevers of middle school kids in an under-served inner city school. And the love of my life gets to transfer with his job to Charlotte, too, so that we can start our own forever in the Queen City.

But so often these days, I find myself wishing the present away so that I can fast forward to the amazing future awaiting me. I want to speed through my last two months at General Mills and through the five months of long distance with A because I just want it all right now. 

It's funny how despite God's history of never failing me, never leading me astray, I still think my timing is better than his. It's far too easy to forget the lessons I've learned in waiting. Lessons that have helped mold me into a stronger Christian, a better friend, and a more diligent employee. Lessons that weren't always fun to learn but the value of which far exceeded the instant gratification I would have received had I done things according to my own timeline. 

No, my motivations for wanting the future to be here are hardly "evil". I want my classroom so that I can start leaving an imprint on the lives of kids who for far too long have been dismissed as hopeless cases with no future all because of their zip code or the color of their skin. I want A to move to Charlotte quickly because nothing makes me happier than thoughts of building our lives together in this city God seems to have pointed us to. But if I were to get these things tomorrow without living through whatever the next five months hold, I would be missing out on God's plan to teach me things that will undoubtedly make me a more effective and compassionate teacher to my kids and a more loving and supportive girlfriend to A. Do I know what it is, exactly, He plans to show me? Ohhh, now wouldn't that be nice! But no, I haven't the foggiest clue what epiphanies await me in the coming days. 

I do know, though, that judging by how sweet the things I learned were in the past, I can't wait to see what lessons await me tomorrow.